Dear Friends,
Thirty-four years ago yesterday, I woke up in a strange bed, in unfamiliar surroundings, just like I did yesterday morning. Except, this time, it was by choice. Since my first night in Canada, November 28, 1980, I've lost my softness, faith, innocence and trust. In the process, I've gained two degrees, a career, two divorces, a pension, and two properties. Nothing to grieve, nothing to celebrate, merely an exchange of goods.
As much as waking up far from my revolution-ridden homeland meant deliverance, waking up in Liberty Village, over three decades later, felt more like real freedom. In order to honour the cosmic coincidence, for a year, I'm going to live as if I have only one year to live. Of course, such insane modus operandi will justify extravagance and excuse out-of-character behaviour, such as giving up making promises or commitments. I'll be a mood worshiper, I'll go where my mood takes me, I'll eat, do and buy what my mood tells me.
According to an ancient Turkish folk character, Nasr-Al-Deen, good judgement comes from experience, experience comes from bad judgement. So, let the games begin!
Dear Friends,
Many, many years ago, a refined, wise woman (God bless her soul) told a bunch of not-so-young, but green women, that the secret to happiness was to always have something to look forward to.
The other day, I read an article in Psychology Today (November/December 2014) that touched on the same concept, calling it "anchoring yourself in the future."
As much as I look forward to spending weekends in Cobourg, and visiting my family and friends in Toronto, I've come to realize that tough times do indeed require desperate measures (we are still talking about me surviving my longterm teaching assignment in the heart of winter)!
What I need, I believe, is a short-term, part-time Romance! Something to take my mind off my predicament, "an investment in, a distraction through, an excitement about something ahead".
Thus, tonight, I walked into my bar with shopper's eye, as we say in Farsi. The usual Sunday prospects were present; the gigolo wannabe with a criminal record, the retired schoolteacher with vulgar genes, the awfully young-looking old man with different kind of vulgar jeans, the needy dog-sitter with puppy eyes and the overweight bon vivant car salesman.
Your chances of finding romance in this joint, I whispered to myself, is as much as finding a needle in a haystack.
So, I went ahead, and bought myself a studio, in a vibrant, cool area in Toronto!
Home decorating always makes me happy, especially when it presents challenges. The simple act of jotting down what needs to be bought, has reenergized this old body and mind.
Fully understanding that by the time I put the finishing touches on my masterpiece, I'll have to rent it out and move back to Cobourg, for now, I'm anchoring myself in romancing my new 420 Sq. Ft. home!
Dear Friends,
I'm not as strong and patient as I used to be, students are definitely not as attentive and complying as they used to be, and some parents are as unreasonable as ever! But, as we have already established, my word is my honour, even if it kills me! It's not about striving, making or saving money anymore, it's about surviving the "growing" pains, as painlessly as possible!
Please note the following alterations to my after-school activities:
Monday drinks with friends (the night is young, no need to rush home to make supper)!
Tuesday drinks with friends, shopping (Monday's leftovers for supper)!
Wednesday drinks and dinner with friends (doggy-bag for lunch)!
Thursday manicure, drinks and dinner with my son (can't make supper or wash dishes)!
Friday drinks with friends (no need to get to the train station an hour and a half early)!
P.S. Adding weight-gain and dehydration to the list of Body's complaints!
Foreseeing attending AA meetings in February!
Dear Friends,
According to Mark Nepo (spiritual writer/philosopher), "There are no wrong turns, only unexpected paths." Well, this hiker, is getting tired of exploring!
Tonight, when I left work, well after 7 pm (parents-teacher meeting), I had a heart-to-heart with my heart. I advised her to get out of the classroom because neither Body or Vanity like what they see; dark circles under eyes, unsightly cuticles, brittle nails, blotchy, flakey skin, grinding teeth at night, and many more wrinkles. Obviously, Pride and Integrity, foe to self-preservation, will not return to sanity. As a friend pointed out, at least now I know for sure that I made the right decision to retire. However, the million-dollar question remains, how to survive this unexpected turn of events (long term substitute teaching)?
Dear Friends,
As I'm getting ready to head back to Toronto, I realize that sometimes, you have to let go of little pleasures in life, like lavender bubble bath, comfortable room temperature, favourite TV shows, to experience the essence of life — spending time with loved ones, mending the past, weaving the future, or simply experiencing an incredible sense of accomplishment. Of course, it would be nice to have everything under the same roof at all times, but then, it won't be fair to the less fortunate. I certainly don't wish to add, tilting the scale of justice, to my long list of sins.
Dear Friends,
Universe doesn't just work in mysterious ways, it also works in cruel ways! Everything that pushed me towards retirement (early mornings, cold winds, commuting, lunch on wheels, report cards), found its way back to me! I would be lying if I said I'm not enjoying being in the classroom again. I would be lying if I said I'm not enjoying doing what I'm good at; however I also would be lying, if I said I don't question my sanity, at least once a day!
Today, seven days into my Séjour in Toronto, as I'm sitting in my wifi-equipped coffee shop, longing for the lake, the farmer's market and my Sunday band, Phlo, I realize that the beauty of being a retiree, or a substitute teacher, is in having more options.
Thus, I proclaim, never on Mondays!
Henceforward, I shall be seen on the Friday-afternoon train to Cobourg, and the Monday-night train to Toronto. What I did during the week in Cobourg (yoga, photography, cross word puzzles, scouting different social groups), pleasantly engaged, only my mind. My heart, is still in the classroom, although my tired body says otherwise. Work in Toronto, party in Cobourg — a perfect lifestyle, as oxymoronic as it sounds!
Most often, universe does work to accommodate us, if we let it! To contradict Virginia Woolf (A Room of One's Own), sometimes, the need to hurry, the need to sparkle fulfill the need to be nobody else, but oneself.
