For some people, having a good time, means letting go. For me, experiencing empowerment, is the essence of pleasure. From the barstool and the dance floor, where I defy my culture, to the subway stairs, classroom and boutiques, where I test my physical, intellectual or financial strength, the sense of achievement is the sole carrier of feel good hormones. As much as having new adventures can be exhilarating, revisiting old places and activities that brought me joy and confidence, is not without merit. When I reviewed the list of "what makes me tick these days," I realized that inadvertently, I had included my past in my future.
Although at sixteen I grossly lacked in wisdom and focus, I remember taking the train between Swiss towns, without a chaperon, gave me the illusion of being in charge of my destiny. Hence, weekly commute to and from Toronto made the "continue" column.
Taking a course in Russian literature, will serve two purposes; returning to University of Toronto, (did I ever feel intelligent, rushing from one class to another, in my thirties), and reconnecting with Mother Russia, where I spent my formative years.
Although sometimes, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I'm not sure in which bed I am, I believe I was born to live two lives, simultaneously! It is a very strange realization since, last year, I was hardly able to keep together one life. Besides cleaning up at arrivals, and tiding up at departures, I also have two sets of laundry to do, two sets of bills to pay, two fridges and pantries to fill, and most importantly, two sets of keys to worry about! As much as forgetting the perfect accessory on occasions, devastates me, I'm finding my multifaceted life very fulfilling. I always knew that I had a broad range of interests, what I didn't know was that I also have multiple personalities. As I literally travel between two lifestyles, I find myself less stressed, more focused and much happier!
Major misdiagnosis! I was not overwhelmed, I was underwhelmed!
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