There must be something wrong with a mind that doesn’t allow its healthy, slim owner to enjoy an ice cream, once in a while.
Guilt is the most powerful human emotion. It makes you do unspeakable things to yourself. It deprives you of peace because you are not worthy of it.
I know how this poison has entered my psyche, what I don’t understand is why it isn’t leaving. I’ve read books and articles, consulted with shrinks and completed exercises. For years, I’ve repeated affirmations and rationalizations. I’ve even put my pain on paper and share it with strangers. Alas, all to no avail! I really envy people who have no idea how imperfect they are.
I read somewhere that feeling guilty doesn’t make us a better person, so we should drop it. Well, in my humble opinion, punishing ourselves makes us a better person because we are suffering the consequences of our wrongdoings. That’s what we teach children, to take responsibility for their actions. N’est-ce pas?
How do we love ourselves better at sixty? We don’t! That ship has sailed, and if we weren’t on it, the best we can do, is to remain afloat! The severity of our crimes depend on the size of our self-love. Some crimes require ongoing punishment. Guilt surpasses love, especially love of oneself. It doesn’t keep us from doing things (I do almost everything that I want), but it keeps us from enjoying them.
Add a tad of control issue, and a pinch of obsessiveness to the unjustified feelings of unworthiness, and there, you have it, a perfect mental Jumbalaya that bans ice cream!
But then, realizing that I like myself enough not to completely destroy myself, is a relief.
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