Dilemma

Dear Friends,
As I'm watching the world unite in France, to mourn the victims of recent violent attacks, and march  against terrorism, I'm struggling with my own petty emotions. My mother lives in the heart of Paris, alone - I'm worried about her wellbeing. I'm a born muslim who fled her country shortly after the islamic revolution — there is no love lost between me and that religion. As the Canadian press releases the names of homegrown terrorists, I worry about my own safety and that of my children and grandchildren. I'm also a woman who despises patriarch societies, believes in freedom and equality. But, above all, I'm a teacher. Every day, I spend a good portion of my time and energy settling disputes amongst my students, referring them to RESPECT, a virtue that our education system believes in.
"You shouldn't tease, put down or make fun of someone's appearance, name, clothes, food, traditions or parents." I hear myself teach compassion and acceptance to six-year-olds who can't really understand why they should filter their opinions and not call another six-year-old fat, ugly or stupid.
I'm not passing judgement, or being facetious when I ask, shall I just let them be? Shall I just save my sanity and let them express their opinions freely?

For the Love of Juggling

Dear Friends,
For some people, having a good time, means letting go. For me, experiencing empowerment, is the essence of pleasure. From the barstool and the dance floor, where I defy my culture, to the subway stairs, classroom and boutiques, where I test my physical, intellectual or financial strength, the sense of achievement is the sole carrier of feel good hormones. As much as having new adventures can be exhilarating, revisiting old places and activities that brought me joy and confidence, is not without merit. When I reviewed the list of "what makes me tick these days," I realized that inadvertently, I had included my past in my future. 
Although at sixteen I grossly lacked in wisdom and focus, I remember taking the train between Swiss towns, without a chaperon, gave me the illusion of being in charge of my destiny. Hence, weekly commute to and from Toronto made the "continue" column. 
Taking a course in Russian literature, will serve two purposes; returning to University of Toronto, (did I ever feel intelligent, rushing from one class to another, in my thirties), and reconnecting with Mother Russia, where I spent my formative years.  
Although sometimes, when I wake up in the middle of the night, I'm not sure in which bed I am, I believe I was born to live two lives, simultaneously! It is a very strange realization since, last year, I was hardly able to keep together one life. Besides cleaning up at arrivals, and tiding up at departures, I also have two sets of laundry to do, two sets of bills to pay, two fridges and pantries to fill, and most importantly, two sets of keys to worry about! As much as forgetting the perfect accessory on occasions, devastates me, I'm finding my multifaceted life very fulfilling. I always knew that I had a broad range of interests, what I didn't know was that I also have multiple personalities. As I literally travel between two lifestyles, I find myself less stressed, more focused and much happier! 
Major misdiagnosis! I was not overwhelmed, I was underwhelmed!

Happy New Year!

Dear Friends,
Year after year, I welcome the New Year by resuming my commitments, since I always have something that I need to do less or more of. But this first day of January, instead of making the same old new promises and plans, I decided to empty my bucket list, as soon as possible, before my determination and enthusiasm waltz down the slippery road of idleness.  
As silly as it sounds, I'm giving up my "unalienable right" to pursue happiness because now, I know for sure that I'll never be happy, although I'm adept at having a good time (I'm not even American, what was I doing following their constitution, FGS)! 
An important component of happiness is peace. Unfortunately, due to certain kismet malfunction and personal failure, I will never be at peace with myself, but I'm willing to reconcile with my lot.
From now on, my independence consists of Life and Liberty! I'm leaving the right to chase dreams to those who have strong legs and clear visions. 
Let the good times roll, is my resolution for the next twelve months, might as well remain in my comfort zone! 

Holiday Insight!

Dear Friends,

I can't believe I stayed away from my blog for so long! Not that I didn't have anything noteworthy to say, I simply didn't have the time to share. Or, as a wise man once said, it's not a matter of time, but priority. 

Opération Décoration - done! 
Housewarming and Birthday Parties - done! 
Chanukah, Christmas and Kwanzaa Cheers - done! 

Last night, I returned to my solitude by the lake, not only to detox my body, but also to reset my mind. 
God Bless all the traditions and celebrations, they do take a toll on me. 
Aside from a few unwelcome pounds and hangovers, I also gained a valuable insight; I will never be a full fledged, published author, because I'm definitely a social animal.

Lonely must be the life of real writers! 

It is a Wonderful Profession!

Dear Friends,  
Last week, I saw a charming play called, It's a Wonderful Life. Could never sit throughout the movie, but thoroughly enjoyed VOS production in Cobourg. It made me think of my own purpose in life. Unlike George Bailey, I haven't saved anyone's life, altered the course of anyone's life, or helped anyone make a life-changing decision. Unless my granddaughters do one of the above, I'll say my birth has been to no purpose. For the past sixty years, I've been an extra, in the background. 
Today, however, I arrived at a different conclusion. As tired and stressed as I am, as absent-minded and irritable as I am, I can't help but marvel at my students' progress, socially, emotionally and academically. Every piece of work they produce, every little problem they solve, every "Bonjour Madame" in the morning, and every hug at the end of the day proves to me that it is a wonderful life! After all, grade one is a big adjustment. My purpose in life, is to make it easier and merrier, both for my students and their parents! 
Of course, with only 12 days left to the finish line (with two weeks Christmas break in the middle), the tunnel is inundated with light, or as we say in Farsi, my quail is singing like a rooster!

Amen!

Dear Friends,
As I'm watching the bare, flat landscape that lies between Cobourg and Toronto rush by me, I can't help but compare the speed at which the train is moving to the passage of time, in general. Already into the eight day of December, already 6 weeks of teaching behind me! So much has happened in the past few months; sell one property, only to buy another; retire, only to go back to work, go to the lake, only to return to the city. Suddenly I realize that it's still my year — the year of the Wood Horse! I have two more months to make my mark, as if I haven't already done enough! I made us proud, worked hard at "running free, changing directions with small shifts in the wind and switching gears quickly".
Did I design my life to live up to my sign's characteristics, or did the ever shifting nature of Wood Horse ran my life? Either way, I should stop believing in astrology as the year of Wood Ram promises to be "a demanding and challenging year for the horse," full of intensity, quick changes and adversity!
As we say in Farsi, may God take pity on me!  

Life Under Duress!

Dear Friends,
Finally this morning, I got to see my new neighbourhood in the daylight, as for the past few days, I've been going to work in the dark, returning home in the dark. The tour of the village set me back $$$! This is my rationale, and I'm sticking to it! 
As a general rule, I try to stay away from public transportation. Since for number of years, I used my legs, the faithful number 11, to take me to work and beyond, I had forgotten what moving with the masses looked like; yawning, eating, spilling coffee, reading, sleeping, farting, knitting, applying foundation and mascara, and fiddling with electronics. All we need to make public transportation a real home away from home, are a few toilet bowls. I'm old-fashioned, I sit and stare at people, unless there is an unstable person on board, yelling and swearing, in which case I close my eyes and start praying! On numerous occasions I had to get off the train, or the bus, to shield myself from someone's insanity. My commute is always followed by NOISE! Noisy students in the morning, noisy fridge, fan and train that passes by my window, at night. 
Now, if this body-under-duress doesn't deserve a few new outfits, I don't know what does!