Tax Deductible

Dear Friends,

The other day, I received a letter from Grants International Inc. (the refund experts)! I was about to discard it, as I do any mail that I don’t recognize, but then I noticed that my full (official) name, and status as a senior were printed on the envelope. Huuum, I thought, a trusted agency has slipped!

“What dear?” My neighbour asked.

Shoot, I was talking to myself again, in public! 

Curiosity picked my interest. I opened the envelope. Health Impairment Refund was the topic of correspondence. A few fine gentlemen could make the government give me a tax refund if I have trouble bathing myself without falling, walking, or trouble breathing when I walk.

Well, none of the above applied to me (Thank God), but it made me think.

How about all seniors get a “mobility” refund, period! We all know by now that looking good and feeling good lead to physical, mental and emotional health. Now, if only the government could help with the financial well-being.  

So far, I’ve been a very low-maintenance customer for the government, but I don’t think I can continue doing this on my own for very long. Fellows, how about a tax break for me, I felt like writing them back. How about someone working for people like me, to make the following items income tax deductible. After all, I’ve spent a lot of my own hard-earned money so my country doesn’t have to. I believe I should be reimbursed for every penny that I spend on remaining healthy.  

-Red wine

-Dark chocolate

-Dancing shoes 

-Personal trainer

-Swimsuit

-Lululemon workout atire

-Nike walking shoes

-Psychologies, Oprah, InStyle magazines

-Self-help books, crossword puzzle booklets

-Luminosity membership on-Line
-Holiday under the sun, to warm up the old bones ad the bronchus 

-Movie, concert and theatre tickets 

-Restaurant tabs for girls-night-out (therapy)

-eye-candy accessories (also therapeutic) 

I, personally, should also be compensated for not driving, littering, smoking, binging, and not being a hypochondriac. But then, as we say in Farsi, Haven’t peed yet, my night is long.