A-Lister!

Dear Friends,
As much fun as it is to doll up, be celebrated and photographed, I don't think I'm cut out to be a
A-lister! Although I'm immensely touched and honoured by everyone's attention, good wishes and generosity, applying and removing makeup three nights in a row, has taken its toll on me! 
The sun is shining, my heart is full of joy and gratitude, and yet another drink, on a patio, is tempting, but I don't think I can look at my mascara wand, without cringing, for a while at least! Thus, I decided to dedicate my weekend to my worn out sweatpants and report cards! But, I know one thing for sure, I'm good enough, smart enough and doggone it people like me!

Blissfully Grateful!

Dear Friends,
Had I known I was so popular and well respected, I would've stayed on a couple of more years, to complete my 25 years of service in education!
Amidst loud voices and heartfelt laughters, old memories were rekindled and new ones were made.
Of course, nostalgia made a guest appearance and brought along some tears. It wasn't just my retirement party, but also a long overdue reunion with my students. I was thrilled to have been the force that had peeled them off of their Facebook walls. Hugs, kisses and conversations amongst them, was as important part of the evening, as was wishing me happy trails. What I took most pleasure in, was introducing my younger students to my older ones and watch them compare notes! When the clock struck nine and it was time to say our goodbyes, we all felt that we could've remained in the modesty decorated lunchroom till morning, and reminisce just a bit more.
I know I've become a bit obsessive in drawing parallels between retirement and death; however I can't help it. It seems that The End brings out people's true feelings, be it the end of a life, or a career. 
Last night was amazingly beautiful, right up there with holding my sons and granddaughters in my arms for the first time, my freedom from the old country, and my graduation from U of T that led to my retirement party!
I feel so grateful, so blessed!

Eulogy

Dear Friends,
In all the fairy tales that I’ve heard or read as a child, the road to happily ever after, always lasts three days and three nights. Although I haven’t lived like a princess, I’m happy to announce that I’m retiring
like one! Three nights of festivities have been aligned, quite by chance, to send me off into the sunset. Thus, this weekend, instead of writing my students report cards, I'm wrestling with my retirement speech. At first, I thought it would be a simple matter of thanking everyone for showing up to celebrate my career. But now, I realize that writing a retirement speech is like writing a eulogy (not that I've ever written one). It has to be beautiful, yet sincere; moving, yet uplifting. Above all it has to be real, but not too real, especially when you have 180x2 ears (past and present administration, parents, colleagues, students) listening. My biggest fear is to turn misty-eyed and ruin my eye make-up. But then, how do you put 23 years of good and bad to rest, without tears..................?

Four nights to my retirement speech!

Crime and Punishment!

Dear Friends,

Many moons ago when a benevolent friend told me that I have a knack for continuously punishing myself, I dismissed her psychoanalysis of me as preposterous! However, as June draws closer, and my emotions are getting ready to go through so many changes, I have no choice but to accept the validity of her statement.

Today (I can’t vouch for tomorrow), I believe I’m mad, not mad crazy, but mad angry, not at the world, but at myself!

Which self-loving creature ends a career that has become her identity and leaves the city that has housed her for thirty-some years, following her granddaughters relocation to New York!

What was I thinking! What possessed me to believe that, removing myself from everything and everyone I know and value, will be good for me. Why did I decide to put myself through so many changes all at once? A lot is riding on this lake that’s calling me! It better come through!

Although experts claim that, “anger is emotionally intelligent” and “abets creativity and ambition,” I’m not sure what to do with it. Unless, I use it to find out what crime I have committed that repels forgiveness. 

Hormones! Hormones!

Dear Friends,
Finally the fog is lifted! My head is clear, my sinuses are unobstructed, and my coughs are a few hours apart! Thank goodness for antibiotics, despite the fact that it graced me, with its side effects — an incredible sense of sadness drove me to doubt my decisions!
As I was happily designing a new life for myself, on planet retirement, with a very precise script in hand, I might add, I didn't realize that I don't really have a realistic view of life in a small town. I have to accept that it might not be a seamless transition for me, after all. I might have to give up my summer to close one door, before opening another. The mere fact that I don't want to give up my summer, is proof that I'm still a teacher! But then, perhaps, retiring and moving to Cobourg are not a bad combination — turning sixty is the monkey in the rink! Contrary to popular saying that age is just a number, I believe age is the turbulent voyage of hormones! And mine are about to hit yet another milestone! Although I walk faster than some thirty-year-olds, and I can easily bend down or squat, I have this inexplicably nagging feeling that the end is near, and I can't help but wonder, exactly what end is near. 
Who is driving me to madness, myself, the hormones or the antibiotics? 
Maybe I should have waited another year, or two. 

No Regrets!

Dear Friends,

You know spring is really here when you have to fight for your space on the sidewalk. I really believe that the number of adults, babies and dogs on the streets of our city has doubled since last spring.

I never get tired of writing about the perils of being a simple pedestrian on sidewalks of mid/downtown Toronto. Yesterday, squeezed amongst the bikers who bypassed me without notice, the deluxe Cadillac baby carriages that occupy two lanes, and the hand-in-hand strolling lovers, I realized, I will not miss Toronto at all! I rather live in a place where people use the park to exercise and inhale fresh air, leaving the narrow sidewalks for getting from point A to point B, preferably in a hurry, alone! Although I continue to have doubts about pursuing a life of leisure, I’m surely looking forward to leaving the city! Did I mention the pedlars, the beggars, the automobile horns, fumes and the cigarette smoke?

Only 65 days left to the lake...

Of COBOURG!

                                               


                                                                               

Let's Party!

Dear Friends,
Yes, I'm throwing myself a retirement party!
Being raised in glamorous diplomatic circle of autrefois, I always believed I was destined to throw elaborate parties! And I did, one or two, in my early twenties; however the Islamic Revolution cut short my aspirations — alas!
Since in Canada, the only noteworthy event that I organized, was my father's small, but tasteful memorial gathering, exactly 10 years ago. It was a black and white affair, catered by Daniel and Daniel.
Since I don't see anyone in the horizon, to throw me an elaborate funeral, I decided to throw myself a retirement party. I rather people celebrated my immaculate career with me, than my, at times not so pristine life, without me!
Although I'm a couple of thousand dollars short of my ideal retirement party, I'm still going out with some class! Let's hope everybody shows up; guests, bakers, caterers, servers, and the magician I've hired to dazzle my younger past and present students.
20 days left to my retirement party ........

Safety Net!

Dear Friends,
Amidst the de-cluttering, staging, showing and selling my home, I also did quite a bit of paperwork! Who knew exiting the job market entailed more work than joining it!
All interested parties (the board of education, the health insurance company, the pension board) have been notified of my honourable intentions. After much deliberation, I decided not to send my Dear John faxes to the college of teachers and the union. I allowed other people's anxiety and conservatism make me doubt my future in Cobourg. I've even started contemplating buying a smaller place in Toronto, instead of paying off my condo by the lake. 
What happened to my Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, philosophy?
I must admit, I'm quite disappointed in myself. I just might have to throw caution to the wind and withdraw my name from the list of occasional teachers. I will never be able to build a new life, if I keep the door open to the old one. There is no thrill in trapezing with safety net!

VIRGO

Fear of failure has prevented you from striving towards certain goals, but fear not! The particular goal you've been mulling over has been played over so many times in your mind, that there's no way to fail unless you simply do not try, Virgo! Jump in and see how amazing it can be. You know what you are doing, dearest Virgo, let the doubts simply slip away!

Ready or Not!

Dear Friends,
Such is the current state of our affairs:
Corroded Valve - fixed!
Condo - sold!

Sigh of relief — not yet!
Although a huge (the hugest) item has disappeared from my to-do list and I can finally return to my messy moeurs, I'm not celebrating yet! All my life I've lived with this annoying feeling that everyone is out to get me! So, obviously, I cannot rest until I have cashed my cheque which will be on July 21, 2014! Although, the thought of someone suing me for my last penny at some point, never leaves my thoughts! That, of course, I blame on the society we live in, not my upbringing or disturbed personality!
Last night, I felt a bit unsettled. Sleep wasn't able to camouflage the magnitude of reality; my retirement, my move to Cobourg, my aloneness in my new life, and most importantly my separation from my older son, who will also be all alone, in Toronto. As I rubbed my throat, to shrink the lump of incertitude, I wondered whether it was all a dream, a mistake. Was I ready for it all?
But then, is one ever really ready for what hasn't happened yet?